The question
rarely asked.
I didn't know
how to answer when I was asked that. I didn't respond as quickly as I thought I would
have. I've always asked myself that question, and always answered, “No”, but I don’t
know why, but when I hear it from a third party, I couldn't. First would be me,
second would be you personally, third would be from someone else.
I was lost
for words, I couldn't reply. Yes or no? Is the answer that simple? Can it ever
be that simple with you? Our relationship was never ‘simple’, it was beyond complicated.
Who am I kidding? Relationships never are simple. Pfft.
“Do you
still love her?”
“I do.”
“I do.”
How can I say
no? You were my first. Like an Adele song, “Didn't I give it all?”
I gave a ‘simple’
justification that you were my first love, and I can never forget, how much I grew,
how I felt, and how you made me feel.
Anyone would
take the answer as legit as it would, and acknowledge, but I can’t. It was
still a ‘simple’ answer.
I don’t know
how I can make myself happier with another answer, but that was the best I could
give in that given time.
“Deep inside, I feel like I will
never give anyone else as much as I have given to you. Am I scarred? Do I have
commitment issues? Or is love relevant anymore? In the cornerstone of my heart,
I know that I love you, and always will, but it’s not plausible at all. You've found
your significant other, while you remain to be mine.
When we were together, being with
you, I've always made a resolution within my own mind, that you will be the one I
will always be. I've never told you this; because I was afraid it might come
off as desperate and too ‘clingy’. And to be honest, it would. That statement
is an overflowing of cliché, but that was how I felt. Proof of that would be
how I still feel for you.
I waited for you to come back, or a
time that it would be fitting for me to run back to you, then you found your ‘other’,
and I realized that I have lost you, or you've ‘lost’ me. “We are still friends
right?” you asked, “Best of friends,” I said. But that is all we will ever be. ‘Friends’.
Guess, I could still wait for you.”
Do you ever
think of me, in the quiet, in the crowd? – Mumford & Sons.
