Christmas Everyday.

Most of us have the wrong concept of Christmas. 

That it’s all about receiving, taking and themselves.

Well, they’re WRONG. Lol

Christmas is about giving, appreciating and blessing others.

I guess, most of us have forgotten or didn’t even know what Christmas was really about.

but I hope that, this Christmas we would grasp hold the right way of Christmas.

It comes once a year, but I hope that it would be part of us to be have this jolly Christmas spirit to give and think of others first. 

Don’t think of what we can get from someone, like the benefits, gifts or presents.

but think like, “Hey, what can I give to that someone?”

‘Cause sometimes, we think wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much that causes us to lose focus of what the main goal is.

The love we receive, is the love we should give.

There’s always love, it’s the matter of whether we feel the love.

So, be more sensitive to it. DON’T be a hard rock ass. LOL

Merry Christmas to you wherever you may be.

너랑나

Fact / Fiction

It’s not that I want to die young, it’s just that I don’t have this urge to die old.

It’s like the same how people say, “I want to quickly finish off studying and start working.”
For me, how would you know what it’s like to work? People hate what they do, and despise it every.single.second. 

I know not all jobs are like that, but only the business students tell me that. SO DONT TAKE BUSINESS. Lol

How would you know what it’s like to live old?
It may be painful to watch and experience the view of death of others.
or you might live a blessed life and not see one.
Who knows?
I’m young and free, and excited for life.

“When you came out, you were crying people were smiling, make sure when you go out, you’re smiling and people crying.” – John Futa.  

We forgot to appreciate what we have, rather we complain and compare.
What we have would never be merely enough, to what we imagined to get.

It’s a good thing to aspire for more, but why, when you have so much to appreciate now, you forget and look ahead?

I look at what I have and what I don’t.
I look at what I need and what I want.
I look at what I can and what I can’t.

I don’t have everything, but I would say more than enough.
God.Family.Friends.You.

 “You made it seem like we as your friends have failed to be your friend, and to make you not think that way.”

The fact is, you guys made life so much more worth it. Knowing y’all was my honor. And to be your friend was a blessing.

I didn’t want to say it, cause it sounded way to cheesy and unbelievable.

I take my words back for not fighting for my life. I will. I definitely will.
But like how I explained to a friend, the life I live wasn’t meant to be, till He came and rescued me.
And if He decides to take my life, he took my life.
He gives and He takes.

We wouldn’t know the entire wonders of the world, or the knowledge of the universe.
If one would know, he be God. 

To a certain age,
It's just simple math,
To be a young or old sage,
Not afraid of death.

Oh Oh Oh, Ho Ho Ho

Well, December is finally here.
Not exactly the end of the month yet, just slightly almost half, but lots has happened.

Actually… the things that happened, I can never ask for more.
I would call it an early Christmas gift or New Year’s present,
but it was, nice.

An acoustic guitar, rekindled friendship and refreshing moments of companionship.

I really couldn’t ask for more. After months of wishing and praying and sleepless nights thinking when will those come true, it all finally did.

After what was done, it felt like a HUGE rock was literally removed.
Heartbeat back to normal, sleep became more comfortable and mind cleared.

But all that made me wonder if I can really do things myself, or do I always need to wait for something to happen.
Yes, I did feel a ‘lil bit worthless and useless. But I was just thinking WAYYY too much.
So kids, don’t be like grandpa Rhys. LOL

Right now…
it just feels a ‘lil bit too quiet.

Friends away, family going off, home alone, idle phone, plan-less and whatever.

I need to find something productive to do now.
Maybe more like climbing hills and writing screenplays.
or I could just lay dead on my bed. Wth, no.

Anyways, Merry Christmas.

Last Christmas, I …

Grad3

Same place, same crowd, same atmosphere, same speakers, different person.

Loneliness hits you, when you least expect it to happen. That’s because the person on your right and left would suddenly just disappear and you’re left all alone. Nothing to do, but to give empty cheers to strangers on stage.

Knowing that everyone else has to have their moment, and it was time to live the moment, but just wasn’t my time.

I wouldn’t want to spoil or ruin anyone’s moment, so I left.

Everyone deserved a good and enjoyable time, and it would be an ass of me to ruin it by sending off bad aura.

Words from the Valedictorian and the program director both gave a wonderful and meaningful speech. One bout not just only winning the race, but finishing it with someone, helping them up when they fall. The other, that life might be short, and to live life to say, “I’ve had lived a good life, and not hurt anyone,” is the essence of life itself.

As lonely, as sentimental, as touched, as fun as it is,
I see that hobble. 

Dream/Sorry

I don’t know whether the dreams we dream are what our subconscious are thinking, cause I know for sure when I’m fully awake, I’m not.

Not to say I hate it, but I wasn’t completely loving it too, cause to a point, I knew it was all just a dream.

I’m not sure how I would judge it, be it bad or be it good, it did affect me.

and I’m sorry.

I didn’t know what to do, afraid that I might fall. So I just played it safe.
all about you. lol

Fragile

Today I was reminded of life itself.

That no matter how much we do and plan with it, it’s always fragile,
and today, I kinda have a grasp of the meaning of it.

Fragile, that it could break or be taken away, just like that.
Maybe it’s just me, but I always  hear, that “life is short.”

Today, I found out that a lecturer from my Pre-U course (CIMP), passed away due to some misunderstanding, which cost him his life. And he had no fault of any sort.

A friend of mine posted in FB saying,
“This picture really bring tears down my cheek... how can such an adventurous sporty and open minded person like him die so early? all he wants is to travel around the world and live the moment. I respect you sir you are really my inspiration. “

What he said was so true. He was just out on a holiday an out of a sudden, the next thing he knew was that he was fighting for his life. It really hurts to see an individual so outgoing and cool, to just come to an end like that.

I didn’t know Mr.Pelland personally, but from seeing the lives that he touched and the people he has changed, it truly gave me the impression that he IS a great man. Doing what he can and did what he wanted with an open heart and mind. I respect him as an individual that was able to truly help and change people.

And for that, he would truly be my definition of real ‘coolness’.

Another thing that strike me today, was the fact that my grandma has high blood pressure.
It might not seem like a huge issue, but if I actually think about it, I could have lost my grandma today as well.

She’s 78 but acting like she’s 60. And I’m happy to see that she is still as active as most grandmas out there. I ain’t dissing anyone’s grandma, but I bet you love them as much as I love mine. The thought of losing her, is really unbearable.

I was supposed to just drop something off today and be off. I had a long day myself, and wanted to take a rest from a long day, till I found out. And I wanted to stay as long as I can, to really enjoy her presence as if it was her last.

Life itself is really fragile.

Say what it’s needed, and I guess I have said what needs to be said.
In the end, it’s all said and done.

here.we.go.

Eyes Closed .

Little Tommy always kept his eyes shut. He pretended to never see what was happening to guard himself from the pain and heartache. It wasn’t his first time avoiding and pretending like things was just happening, but he fears that if he actually clicks or imagines that he does, the world he lived in would just fall and crumble. He never really dared to go further than the boundaries he made, cause he knows what would happen exactly when he does. Eventually, pain still find its ways to creep in.

Who are you talking to..

Walk

A Walk To Remember.

A story of an undying faith and love of two individuals towards each other.
I can honestly, watching it again from a whole new perspective did teach me some lessons.

1. Say ‘No’ to peer pressure.
2. Every girl is beautiful.
3. Miracles do come true.
4. Breaking promises ain’t that bad.
5. Last minute work does payoff.
6. Apologizing heals.
7. There are ways to learn new things.
8. A girl can change a guys’ life around.
9. Sacrifice is a form of love.
10. Girls are seductive in their ways.
11. Break away from what doesn’t make you better.
12. There’s always that one friend who’s there.
13. Handshakes are necessary in an awesome friendship.
14. Laughter helps break the ice.
15. Brutal honesty is the best way.
16. The truth isn’t easy accepted, but it takes time.
17. Learning to dance is required.
18. Supporting mothers do help.
19. Jealousy does exist between strangers and haters.
20. Girls pushes guys to the limit.
21. Have a to-do-list.
22. Finish the to-do-list.
23. Have someone help you finish it.
24. Never give up on teaching.
25. Lies can save a life.
26. Leukemia is a bitch.
27. There’s a fear of letting go.
28. Living life to its fullest.
29. Tattoo’s are cool, temporary ones.
30. Never judge someone for what they wear.
31. Girls have killer smiles.
32. Not expecting anything.
33. Ask the dad for permissions first.
34. You can’t outrun the police.
35. Have fine dining for a date.
36. Pay for everything.
37. Pretend everything’s alright to look strong.
38. Waiting for the girl to wake up.
39. Sleeping under the stars won’t be a bad idea.
40. I should totally join a musical.
41. Forget the lines, and just say, “You’re beautiful.”
42. Switchfoot is an awesome band.
43. Go the distance to find the answers.
44. Sometimes, it’s about being there, even if it’s 10seconds.
45. Find a book of quotes and read everyone.
46. Have faith in someone even if they don’t look like it.
47. In suffering comes compassion, in suffering look for hope.
48. Never giving up, even if I know it’s going to end.
49. Love isn’t easy, for both sides.
50. Death can’t separate love.

In that list, I’ve done some, failed some.
but definitely, learnt a lot from most.

Watching the same movie from a different perspective gives everything a new look.

Give it a try, what can you learn?

a kiss?

what does a kiss mean?
either a peck or making out itself.
"what IS a kiss?"

went and Google-d my questions. got all sorts of stuffs.
one of 'em said, that it was a way of showing affection.
or it could be, the transferring of hormones. wtf.
or just for the heck of it?

is there more of an answer to just the scientific and obvious?
is there no elaborated answer?

for me, 
-a kiss on the lips, signifies an openness and honesty in a relationship. that the partner allows the other to actually take a step closer into her life, physically and relationship-wise.
-making out, on the other hand, is more than just a feeling, but the action of embracing one another, in each other's arms. but rather being all comfortable and trustworthy enough to trust the partner not only with their lips, but body, too.

i don't really know why, am i thinking so much after watching a movie that i had watched over 5times, but only now just thinking bout it.
blame it on the nostalgia, blame it on the curiosity, blame it on me.
wtfcares.

changing a place to put my thoughts,
rather than sharing it to 796,
i will share it to 53 instead.

but what does it mean to you?

Why was I how I was?

Why was I how I was?

I didn’t know what that ‘umph’ feeling was.
Ruined a night, ruined a day.

Got me thinking, whether it was a happy or sad thing.
After a day of thinking,
it was neither. Or maybe it was both.

If it was sad, I guess it’s ‘cause of the memories came flashing back and all,
Nostalgic… that would be my defense.

If it was a happy one, it’s cause..
I got to see you? After such a long time. Almost a month, no?

-----------------------------------

I’ve put in, way too much connotation in the Moon.
and everytime as I gaze at it, I would think of you.

The Moon became something that I really adored and looked forward too, because,
our month-vesary would always have a full Moon.

A friend asked me, “Why does everyone look at the moon as if it’s something beautiful and round and perfect? If you look closely, it has holes and it’s not really white. “
“Like every other human, we ain’t perfect with our flaws and ugliness. But deep down we’re beautiful.” I replied.

The thing with accepting someone else’s differences, it takes a lot. When I say a lot I mean A LOT.
We accept the ones we love eventhough they’ve hurt us over and over again.
May it be, family, or even friends.
but the funny thing is, we didn’t let go.
of the feelings, memories, hopes and dreams.

Maybe we’re just fools or dreamers hoping the best that would come out of the situation. Not accepting reality and fact.
but living off the fictional side of the story, in our hearts.

----------------------------------

Someone who would take a chance on me, and give me a try.
but I’ve build this defense mechanism in me,
to not get hurt.

Pushing away the possibilities of a heartbreak, whenever it is.

That’s why I wouldn’t take the chance.
Wouldn’t take step of courage,
to not leap forward, but rather staying where I am now.

I wouldn’t want to hurt you, and you me.
But..
Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. 

A day away,
from that day,

which made so much difference,

which I try not to reference.

Rhythm & Melody

Do you have that one thing that doesn't leave you?

That will always be there for you no matter what.

Well. I have.

Even in my darkest times, in my happiest of times too.

I realized that I never really appreciate it till I was left with it for a long time.

But the funny thing about is, it could make me sad or happy. 

Even when I’m all high up in the sky, but then suddenly, BAM, I just feel that sudden cold breeze.

Well, however ironic or hypocritical it could be, I would say I love it.

It is music.

For a long time now, I would always have my earplugs with me, whenever I go out.

Cause I needed a sense that, ‘someone/something will always be there for me, whenever I need them.’

It sounds foolish now, thinking and talking about how I treat music. But that’s how I see it.

I realize that nothing and no one can be there for me all the fucking time. 

My friends, they have their own life and their own group of friends too,

My close friends, are too busy with ‘assignments’ and their social life,

and I’m left all alone.

But I don’t mind being alone, cause I can stand being alone. 

I was alone when I was 8, and I can be alone if I want to now.

but,

I’m blessed, with awesome people surrounding me.

“Being alone, doesn't necessary mean you’re lonely,

Being lonely, doesn't necessary means you’re alone”

We can hide behind our walls of failures, dreams, hopes or expectations,

we wait for people to come break them down,

sometimes, some people can,

but, some cant.

For the wall we set up, is just way too high, and it’s unachievable.

“We sometimes look and long for somethings that we want,

rather than the things that we need, and what we always needed, was in-front of us the whole time.”

I always take long walks, from uni to my car or even to college.

It’s because I take that time to be alone, and be with something that I love,

music.

It has always been there for me.

and I ask you,

to find something you need, rather than want.

“I make it look easy.”

2nd Oct

Happy Birthday. hmm. :)

Kimjongilia

Is a documentary about North Korean citizens that found their way out of that country to find a new life.

What all of them had in common was that they were trying to escape.
Escape from the pain of being there and the fear of being beaten or worst, killed.

As the survivors tell their story, it’s very obvious that life there was hell and still is. But they really need to get away from all of that fake so called love of their leader Kim Jong Il.

There’s this part of the interview, where his death was taken so seriously, because the citizens there were thought that he was some kind of ‘god’.

I quote a survivor, “How Christians say grace to God before they eat, we say grace to Kim Jong Il.”

People thought that it would be the end of the world when he passed, because their ‘god’ has somehow died and no one was there to protect them. But a man, realize how stupid that was and made his decision to leave North Korea.

That got me thinking, do we stay in the lies of others?
Do we live in their mistakes?
Is there no way out?

I believe in “decisions”.

The decisions we make will always do good for us in the future or now, whatever it is. It’s because we choose whatever happens to us.
Even when we get into an accident, it’s the mistake of another that causes our sadness and pain, but we make the decision to get out of the ridiculous state of mind.

Pain and suffering comes after the storm, so that when it comes again, we would be more than ready to get hit again.

Life itself is a very ironic thing. Since we’re young, we’re always thought that there would be a happy ending at every “The End.”
and when we come to a place in our lives and it’s not how we imagine it to be, where all the smiles and laughter are replaced by tears and pain. I was reminded that, “If it’s not a happy ending, it’s not the end.”

Whatever is thrown at my face, I will take it head on with all my might to know that there’s always something bigger and better in the future. Because I know that whatever happens now is a gift from God, because I’m still alive and well.

They say, “It’s the journey that matters.”
no matter how my life ends, the main thing is how I got there.

This year in my life, I’ve met real awesome people.
Friends that I wish I never replace, experiences and memories I wish never be forgotten.

September ended, time to wake up. (:

what is?

It’s 7:14 now and it’s officially 22 hours of no sleep.
There’s lots in my mind and I just can’t seem to stop thinking.
Everything in my mind is now in a blur.
Not knowing what is more important than the other, but there is one thing in particular that keeps popping in my mind.

“Do we do what’s right?” or “Do we do what makes us happy?”

After a long nice productive talk with a friend, the end topic was, “What makes us ‘truly happy’?”
For all the things and times that I have spent with you, was it worth it all?

Does doing the right things makes us happy?
or
Is doing the things that makes us happy, right?

Was it a mistake or a blessing? Was it patience or self-control? Was it fear or strength? Was it a waste or worth it? Was it fake or real? Was it painful or harmful? Was it dangerous or safe? Was it sacrifice or reward?
Was it stupidity or love?

Gahhh..

What I know off now is, I miss my friend. Am I still one of yours?
I still care.

I'm so sorry..

"Living life in the 'single' lane,
Made me wonder about life,
Whether I could love again,
Thinking I was afraid to take the dive.

Before, I thought I moved on,
The past behind, it's long gone,
Or is it better forgotten,
Or leave it as an unnecessary burden.

Yes, no, time will eventually still tick,
Going forward and not stopping,
Life gave me a kick,
To stop hoping and dreaming.

Well, that's all I know,
'My' point of view,
Time to go with the flow,
Start things afresh, anew.

Still, there are things I can't help,
Memories, wonder and all,
Maybe all I need is a nap,
To recover from that once so heavy fall.

I'm up and strong now,
With experience and thicker skin,
Too many times I've said "oww",
Open my eyes, a new life begin.

Met someone who showed me something,
We call it 'love',
Something I've been missing,
Even from the 'Man' above.

My prayers answered,
Even if it was a long time ago,
Whoops, I'm caught, busted,
Love comes back, how can u say no?"

What are the signs of someone being happy?
That has become a mystery to me over the past few weeks.
Is it when they smile? cry? what?

Smiling don't mean, "I'm happy."
It might as well mean, "I'm coping, thank you very much."

For what's worth, I know I'm happy NOW.
Does it matter if I know I'll get sad in the near future?
Gah.. that won't happen.

My eyes are wide open now.

You can't hide. I see you. Come back.

"Have I lost a friend?"

거짓말.

just a little.

I had to come to a point my life where I had to ask myself, “Wth is wrong with you Rhys?”

I haven’t been myself lately, and all the things I do and say is like a mask that I have to wear.
I’m sick and tired of people pitying on me, giving me all this false hopes and dreams and whatnots.
I ain’t perfect.

I’ve been staying strong for way too long, but that doesn’t mean I’m bullet proof.
Treat me like how you treated me before, and not show me ‘mercy’ or compassion.

The past week, everyone seemed down. Well not everyone, but the ones I care for.
and it hurts to see people down and depressed or sad.
Either it’s you, or my close friends.

I try to be myself, and try to be the all supporting and positive when I’m approached for help.
but bit by bit, it sinks into me.
I cant help to feel what they feel too.
Loneliness.Betrayal.Misunderstood.Forgotten.

Thought I moved on completely.. but after a simple greeting, no I wasn’t. heh. Silly.

Silly silly me..

I promised a friend, that I will stay strong. Not for my friends or whoever, but for myself too.
and THIS is a reminder to self.
“Stay strong. Do it for yourself. It’s always worth it.”

Full moon tonight. Heh.

Idk anymore

How can a simple “Hi”, leave my mind in wonderment, shock and awe.

After all it’s said,
Either you linger or fade,
That what was once man-made,
To slowly turn cold and dead.

gahfmldilemma

Soup Kitchen

“Soup Kitchen”, just this place in Brickfields, where people serve food to the poor, drug addicts, homeless and blind.

It really broke my heart, to see so many people in need of food and help.
and all I could do, is just serve them food and be their company for the afternoon.

There was this kid, wearing a ‘Boys’ Brigade’ uniform, and he came marching in.
Holding his shoulder was his parents.
He’s 9.
Both of them are blind, and he brings them in every Saturday just for a mild lunch.
How can a kid so young, be so mature? To help and support his family in all this small ways.
To see him loving his parents endlessly, makes me wonder, that is what love is.

After serving food and drinks and whatnots, we would go talk to those who stayed back.
I asked this man, “Uncle, how’s life?”
and he would say, “GREAT, everything is just fine. Even though it’s abit hot the pass few days, making me sweat more,” and he would laugh.
I could honestly say that it was a sincere smile and laugh.

How is it that someone who has nothing much, be contented in life, while all of us sit in our comfortable chairs complaining bout the air-condition or not having the latest phone.

There are things we deserve and don’t.
Maybe we’re lucky to be born in such a nice setting in this city life, but I was reminded that there are those aren’t so lucky, and they need help.
I honestly didn’t do much, but I will continue to do more.

We all deserve to have a good life and be loved.
I hope that we choose our loved ones with a lil bit more caution.
Find someone who will love you for who you are and what you are without hesitation,
and not someone who will take you for granted and come back whenever they please.

But never regret loving. (;

smile.

all it took was one smile. =)

Goddamnyourecute

Pain?

“Faith, have you ever felt really really sad, that you cried?”
“Yes”
“Why?”
“Cause I lost my toy”

The innocence of being a kid.
How I wish I’m a kid now.
That all my troubles and hurt wouldn’t be as painful.
“We never get what we want and we want what we cannot get.” – Friend of mine.

Pain itself is another factor that plays in every one of us.
Seeing you in pain, pushes me into this corner.
I care, but the more I do, the more I’m further away.

It kills to me to see you hurt.
But what’s the point when...
‎"Everybody falls sometimes,
Gotta find the strength to rise,
From the ashes and make a new beginning."
- Kutless

I wanna be a kid again, when my problem is never bigger than what show is on next.
When fun, joy and friendship matters most.
To be naïve of the world I’m living in.
To do what I please without anyone judging.

To be myself once again.
“The more we pull people from faraway near, the further the near ones go.” - Communication Reader.

IMO

Monkey,

Out of all, I like ‘monkey’,
Cause at times, you’re super cheeky,
Not knowing you too can be silly,
All surprising and tricky,
Giving me teasers that make me go crazy,
Even when you’re complaining you’re lazy,
As stubborn as you are daily,
This is what you mean to me.

Sending those hearts once in a while,
Making me laugh and smile,
Seeing me acting all cool,
But you’ll always see me a fool.

Making you smile isn’t easy,
To catch it once, you can call me lucky,
Twice, maybe its destiny,
Cause you’re my honeybee.

Walking away never regretting,
Cause it's with you I'm spending,
Time, money, there are just material things,
But the experience keeps me forever learning.

Time is of the essence,
That's what they all tell me,
Never forgetting your presence,
Especially on the sixteenth of February.

If you see us in the future, even just one bit... I would take that chance,
but you didn't, and not want to prolong 'this' anymore.
It's for the best I guess.
-Smiles(

:

Whole Time

I didn’t realize till I focused.
With my eyes open, I was staring into open space.
And it was all you. All… you.

constant

onethingthatwillneverchangeisthemoon.

damnitthemoonisbrighttonight.

constantlyonandoff.

appearforawhilethendissappearforanothermonthorso.

thenbackwithanawesomeview.

damnthefreakingmoon.

catchingmybreathwhilewalking.

guessitsgettingmoreserious.

fuckingmissyou

Doc

Doc said that I’m sick. Not really sick, but just not healthy.
A thing, that in the long run might come back to haunt me.

Reasons I don’t freaking understand, and why I am how I am.

Cnousfed, muthafucka.

But I’ll take what comes my way.

Thanks doc… really awesome timing.

7hours of nap. fml...

Finally

I’m not how I am now six years ago.
I was so different, that the experiences I faced and had, I would never wish on anyone.
I was living in my own world, being myself.
Not saying that being myself was a bad thing, but I didn’t see how people view me.
I’m not self-conscious enough to see that I was annoying rather than entertaining.
They were laughing at me, not with me.
That was my biggest mistake.

I’ve been on my own ever since,
never asking anything, never complaining.
Thinking that what I’m going through is a phase in life or maybe, I was just plain patient.

Mom, I love you for understanding where I stand. Life has been hard for me when I was younger.
Gettin’ bullied, pushed around and laughed at. It’s the past, but hardly forgotten.
At least now you know, I’ve been trying to stay strong for very long.

Kudos to moms.

Moon

will never look at the moon the same again.

no one will ever know what the moon means to me.

Been Awhile

A 95-percent illuminated moon, is half as bright as a full moon.
The only time a full moon can truly show its brightness and wonders, is very rare.
How is a full moon suppose to show itself, when it can’t be seen?

Have to wait till time tells its part.

It’s been awhile since I seen a full moon.
Feeling empty without it, even when it’s always there.
Desperate, even just a sight of it would be enough.

This time I missed seeing a full moon,
Now deep inside, I’m regretting,
All I can do now, is hope it comes back soon,
‘Till then I sit here waiting and wondering.

Hard Not To

Working can never be as tough and tiring, doing the same old routine,
thinking about routine, it got me thinking about the things that I do in routine..
to make things worst, sorethroat and headache.. zz

There are things that I do, but I never felt tired doing it or as a ‘job’. Maybe I’m just sugarcoating it, but it’s true.

It’s hard not to think of things.

A day of hard work went by,
Oh how I wish time would fly,
There isn’t a second I wouldn’t think of you,
and of the memories just us two.

Yes, I’m nostalgic,
but I’m just feeling really incomplete,
Like a wall missing a brick,
and that’s how I feel at every heartbeat.

No matter how bad the day would turn out to be,
Knowing that you’re doing fine and happy,
I’m smiling cheerfully at the side,
but there are just some norms I need to abide.

Closing my eyes thinking of the things that have been,
Thinking about the things yet unseen,
and I’m afraid of what to be said,
but if it’s better, please go ahead.

Ride of Your Life

Living in the spur of the moment,
is hands down the best feeling I’ve felt all nineteen years of my life.
That only happens in times I least expect it.

Keep me inside,
Inside, somewhere deep,
Sure as hell, I’ll abide,
Simplicity like a beep,
Intentionally falling,
Now and forever,
Girl, I’m calling.

You ‘re in power,
Only you are shown,
U, and you alone.

Take The Fall

Most of the time, Life's a bitch.

but because of how it is, we learn to live, laugh and love.

Its not all possible without taking that first step.

Fall and drop and you might walk away a hero.

"Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone."
-Inception

Do

Tears fall and fall,
But that’s not all,
My heart aches,
Maybe breaks.

Longing for things,
Things that I miss,
Memories it brings,
You, I’ll kiss.

Silent, but troubled,
Not one, nor two but three,
Feelings stumbled,
And it’s just me.

Life’s a story,
Which ends shortly,
Now, for me,
I’m sorry.

Crazy

There are times where music really speaks to you,
when the lyrics says what seems to be happening around you,
the melody soothing enough to make an impact.

Well, I can. I can.

For Good

We’ve been together for awhile now.
Yes, there are times where we fight and have our disagreements,
miscommunication and misunderstandings,
but I believe these things makes us stronger.
I would end up,
knowing a little bit more of you and you of me.

I believe that we as a person, continue to grow daily,
and slowly we change a little, for the better.
And being with you makes me want to change for the better.

4 Months-Anniversary (;

Miss

I miss you..

Can't Even

I don’t know.
I really don’t..

Don’t know when’s a good time to talk or not,
even a simple “Goodnight,” I hesitate.

Goodnights my babyface.

Wind

Holding on to the wind.

Do you know how that feels?

Imagine going very fast in a car,
your windows down,
and put your hands out,
and slowly quench your fist,
over and over again.

Now that’s how you hold on to the wind.
But the thing is, it fades away.

You can really feel it going away,
slowly flows away.

The funny thing is,
the faster you go, the more you feel it,
but the slower you are, the less you feel.

I want to feel the wind over and over again,
if I can.

ego

We all have it, but it’s just till how much we’re willing to show and let it go.

Well, you obviously have a lot of it,
knowing that you’re wrong but still wanting to win.
I let you win, I let you. I have no rights when it comes to you anyways..

And I guess, it isn’t fair for me to just point your bad points and mistakes,
I myself, also have my flaws.

I tend to be egoistic sometimes, most of the times..
but I have my reason.
and I realize this myself. And I want to change. For the better.

But then I met you, start a relationship with you.
never regretted one bit.

Made a promise with you, that you will pinch me, whenever I’m all egoistic.
I’m really sure that, that will bring me down to earth.
Thanks my babyface. (:

Words

Moments spent with you is more worth it.

Cherish you.

Hug, Hold, Cuddle, Kiss, Sleep.

All this are just words, but with you, it's everything.

MyTurtle.

101

I don't need a hundred reasons to make you stay,

but all I have is a reason to love you, and it's, because I do.

Remember

I wanna remember today. 25/5/11

Tingling sensation.

Comfortable

For a moment, I thought we were comfortable at our place.
But then, time and time again I was proven wrong.

Spending time with each other,
doing nothing,
talking nonsense,
laughing at empty sentences,
biting, nibbling,
holding each other,
and whatnots.

This was what I always dreamt of,
to be with the person I longed to be.
Right there and then, I didn’t want to move.
Sitting in that room, was enough, especially when I slept on your lap.
how I didn’t want to get up, but you were uncomfortable.

It’s still the eyes that captures me. It always has.

Just not how it used to be

I never really cared bout what people have to say,
especially if its about my language proficiency.

Till today, when she couldn't understand what I was trying to say.
Maybe it was her, being half deaf.
or me, not knowing my language.

For the first time, I felt useless, speech-wise.

Talking about growing up and empty conversations and whatnot,

that was how it used to be..

But whatever it is, I still love you grandma.

And it's almost a week since..

My fingers still itch to do what it longs to do,

but heck, you can live without it. Then I might as well learn to do the same.

I realized that, that is the only way I can start a conversation with you. Without being so friggin random.

My randomness is getting a wee bit annoying I guess.

My whole day would be empty and quiet,

and constantly checking my phone.

Silly me~

Not to say I don't love how things are going now, but I miss the days where txting used to be everything.

No idea how my face lit up after seeing that message. (:

the Coping and Adapting me

.

Knowing

Countdown. /winks

I think

I think you feel its a drag.
Waking up to the same kinds of text.

From today, I'll stop.

Will It?

Truth to be told,

I wake up with you on my mind.

I wake up at 6 in the morning everyday, and my immediate thought would be, to text you, "Good morning beautiful." But that wouldn't be so appropriate would it?

I hope that you don't think that whenever I do that, I'm doing that to be cheesy or like I have to do it.

I do it cause I want to. From the bottom of my heart.

The last thing on my mind before I go to sleep would be you.

Waiting for that last reply from you. I could go to sleep with a smile on my face.

You would be in my prayers, praying that you be safe, healthy and whatnot.

I once saw this picture, it said,

"When a boy calls you hot, they loot at your body.

When a boy calls your pretty, they look at your face.

When a boy calls you gorgeous, they look at your clothes.

but when he calls you beautiful; they see everything."

I call you beautiful for that one reason. You're everything to me and I wouldn't want to let go.

but if I have to, I would.

Not gonna force anymore.

I'll do my best, but will it...

Love Like The Moon

17-4-2011

The Moon at its brightest. Honestly, I have never seen a Moon any brighter than that.

When I saw it, the first thing that came to mind, was ‘you’.

Your name kept on looping on my mind.

I’m sorry.

Love so bright, yet seen once in awhile.

Woooh (:

Yet another first. (:

April 5th.

My First. (:

I Miss

I miss the anticipation I get on a Sunday, thinking that I would get to see you on Monday.
I miss the times, when we would sit in the dark cold classroom and just lean on each other, nothing seemed to matter more.
I miss saying goodnights to you. My hands itch to text you every night, but that won’t be right anymore.
I miss the sound of my text message ringtone going off. We text everyday… everyday since January.
I miss seeing you smile and laugh. Whenever I would have a bad day in uni, I won’t tell you cause I don’t wanna spoil your mood. But then seeing you smile makes me happier.
I miss you calling my nickname. Miss calling yours too.
I miss the canopy walk. Maybe for you it’s a drag, but for me, it’s a memory.
I miss those Skype calls. When I’m stressed out with homework, I get to see you do silly things, pillow head. (:
I miss holding hands with you. That grip.
I miss your scent on my jacket. I would wear it everyday hoping that I would get it back.
I miss holding you in my arms. Cuddling with you, back hugs.
I miss seeing you sleep. The quiet you.
I simply miss you.

Six days passed and I still can’t seem to get over you.

When I was in love, I wake up and sleep, with you on my mind.
Thinking whether you were okay, healthy or whatever.

Was trying to fall out of love, but it looks like I’m still deep in it.

Looked back at that one picture, where you would look like that when you look at me in the dark. Its the eyes. A click away from a conversation..

Tonight, its seven days. I wanna see you but..

Things Yet Unsaid

There are a few things I have yet to say…
But I’m not sure whether I should or not, it is not going to change what you feel about me anyways.
"I meant everything that I said, bout being there for you no matter what.
I’m sorry for the promises that I made, that I won’t get to do now.
You’re special to me.
You changed me inside and out.
You’re worth it.
I miss you every time you left.
I still love you."

“The reason I’m asking for this ‘stop’ is not because of your secret, but because I know you won’t feel the same way as I do for you. And there’s no point for forcing you into loving me when you don’t. we had a great run, didn’t regret it and it was worth every minute.
Really meant it when I said, “Its’ you because I love you for who you are."
Thanks for the memories. BF.”

If you would somehow know what I feel, you would understand things so much easier.
Instead of me sitting here writing to put my thoughts into words or hoping that you would one day read this, I should just tell you.
But there’s no point in doing that anymore.

I need to move on in life but it will take time, so please forgive me if I am to avoid this coming weeks, months… who knows.

I was sad to see you didn’t felt anything when I say what I had to say…but it’s over, look ahead.

I’m a fool for falling so hard for you. A damned fool.