I Miss

I miss the anticipation I get on a Sunday, thinking that I would get to see you on Monday.
I miss the times, when we would sit in the dark cold classroom and just lean on each other, nothing seemed to matter more.
I miss saying goodnights to you. My hands itch to text you every night, but that won’t be right anymore.
I miss the sound of my text message ringtone going off. We text everyday… everyday since January.
I miss seeing you smile and laugh. Whenever I would have a bad day in uni, I won’t tell you cause I don’t wanna spoil your mood. But then seeing you smile makes me happier.
I miss you calling my nickname. Miss calling yours too.
I miss the canopy walk. Maybe for you it’s a drag, but for me, it’s a memory.
I miss those Skype calls. When I’m stressed out with homework, I get to see you do silly things, pillow head. (:
I miss holding hands with you. That grip.
I miss your scent on my jacket. I would wear it everyday hoping that I would get it back.
I miss holding you in my arms. Cuddling with you, back hugs.
I miss seeing you sleep. The quiet you.
I simply miss you.

Six days passed and I still can’t seem to get over you.

When I was in love, I wake up and sleep, with you on my mind.
Thinking whether you were okay, healthy or whatever.

Was trying to fall out of love, but it looks like I’m still deep in it.

Looked back at that one picture, where you would look like that when you look at me in the dark. Its the eyes. A click away from a conversation..

Tonight, its seven days. I wanna see you but..

Things Yet Unsaid

There are a few things I have yet to say…
But I’m not sure whether I should or not, it is not going to change what you feel about me anyways.
"I meant everything that I said, bout being there for you no matter what.
I’m sorry for the promises that I made, that I won’t get to do now.
You’re special to me.
You changed me inside and out.
You’re worth it.
I miss you every time you left.
I still love you."

“The reason I’m asking for this ‘stop’ is not because of your secret, but because I know you won’t feel the same way as I do for you. And there’s no point for forcing you into loving me when you don’t. we had a great run, didn’t regret it and it was worth every minute.
Really meant it when I said, “Its’ you because I love you for who you are."
Thanks for the memories. BF.”

If you would somehow know what I feel, you would understand things so much easier.
Instead of me sitting here writing to put my thoughts into words or hoping that you would one day read this, I should just tell you.
But there’s no point in doing that anymore.

I need to move on in life but it will take time, so please forgive me if I am to avoid this coming weeks, months… who knows.

I was sad to see you didn’t felt anything when I say what I had to say…but it’s over, look ahead.

I’m a fool for falling so hard for you. A damned fool.

I May Not..

I may not have the smoothest of hands.
I know for a fact that my hands are really rough. Some would even say it’s like sandpaper.
but then, when I hold your hand, and when you grip it hard… I get this feeling that I’m really loved for what I am and all my other flaws are just thrown away. Maybe it’s just me feeling like that to the extreme, but I know for sure I smile to that. (:

I may not have nicest of cars.
I drive a crappy Myvi, and you drive a nice big car.
There was this once, where you offered to drive me back. Maybe it was my ego in the way, or maybe I just felt that I should have walked back, I didn’t want you to drive me back. Honestly, I was feeling uneasy at the back.
but sitting at the back, looking at you through the mirror, all I could see was your eyes. Your eyes… I would stare at them all day if I could. And when you notice me looking at you, I quickly act as if I wasn’t looking, but you still caught me red-handed. When you laughed, those were the eyes I would die to learn how to make you smile and laugh all day.

I may not have the strongest of bodies.
When I hug you, I wouldn’t want to let go cause that’s when I REALLY feel that you’re safe, in my arms. But how much can my arms do?
People tell me I’m skinny, and I know. I sometimes ask myself this question, “If something would to happen, and we’re defenseless, what can I do?” What can I do to protect you, or to keep you from harm’s way. I’m so useless when it comes to that. What use would I be to you then?
Maybe this is me, being all negative and stupid… but let’s face the facts, it’s true. I want to show that sometimes I’m not just this skinny boy walking around useless..

All this I don’t have, but what I do have is assurances, that if you give me the chance;
I would hold your hands tight and not let go.
I would make you smile all day long and not go sad.
I would be there for you in your darkest days and hold your burdens with you.

This is me, not being cheesy or fake,
but this is me, being at my finest, loving you for who are no matter what.

Me. Give me that one chance.

In The End

I recently started university. And its pretty hectic ‘cause of the difference in college life and the surroundings.

Then a friend said to me, “University is a dream killer… in the end of the day, you won’t have time for yourself to do what you want to do.”

Then I thought to myself for a bit, “Hey, that’s quite true, but what if I look at it with a different point of view? To look at things sideways and whatnot.”

Then it hit me,
Dreams is something you really want to do and accomplish. For some, it takes longer than others. Some dreams are as easy as 1, 2, 3.

If whatever dreams we had in mind to accomplish, we would end up doing it because that is our “DREAM”. It’s not just some random thought, passion and hobby we have, it’s our “DREAM”.

And if that is our true dream, nothing would stop us to achieve it. Nothing.

Maybe university then becomes this training ground to test us whether we’re really meant to do it in the first place, and who knows we might even find that one true dream in uni.

In the end, what we do determines what we do later on.

And when it comes to ‘you’,
Like the song, “Beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasing but they got nothin’ on you.”

And that’s true in every way.

I might go gaga over any other girl, but in the end of the day, holding your hand is the only one that means something. And it might not mean much to you, but I enjoy every moment. Every.

You have no idea, the things that you do that captivates moments.

You might not notice it, but I sometimes stop and take a step back saying, “Every time, this is worth it.”

In the end, you’re the one. Nothing matters more.

We’re not all perfect,
We get hurt and mend,
So many things we lack,
but what matters is in the end.

Past and Future

Mistakes. When we do a mistake, we tend to think what its like to go back

in time to change it right?

Yeah, I had that feeling a while back ago.

I feel that IF only God just give me ONE, just ONE chance to go back in time

and change what I did.

Undo the wrong.

And just make everything right again.

But I also realize that the outcome of that episodes in our life can also be

a good thing.

I mean, it makes us stronger.

It makes us know how to deal our 'fears', 'weakness' and etc.

But if we change it, we cant face all of the above.

Because the problem never happen at all. We changed it.

The butterfly effect, or they say.

It means, even if you kill a single butterfly in the past,

could change the entire outcome of the future.

Or some might even say, that even if we go back in time.

The future would still be the same,

because the future is planned by a Big Guy on top.

We can try to change it, how we want.

But in the end, the outcome can never change.

But after the challenges, mistakes, problems I faced SO FAR, in my life.

I can stand tall and say, I'm proud to do those mistakes.

'Cause its meant to happen.

A wise man once say, 'Failures are loopholes to success.'

-DestinedToHappen-

Secrets

Everyone has what we call "Secrets".

Secrets things that we wanna hide from people.

Its because of the insecurity from them.

There's a back-stabbing feeling when you stand near a person.

It makes us realise that they're not really a good friend.

Everyone can be a friend.

But, the problem about friends is, they're just friends in the end.

We never make good thing out of the relationship we have together.

We hide it away its also because of 'ourself'. We just dont want it out.

Thats why they call it secrets.

But, there are also times where we DO tell people our secrets.

Because of the confidence within, we believe that person is trustworthy and loyal enough as a friend to keep it.

But, there are also times where we just give up every single Secrets we have.

Secrets that dont even belong to us.

It makes the truth sound so bad.

But, in reality, truth hurts.

I heard it somewhere, where it stated,

"Truth is not opinion, because truth doesn't change. Truth is fact."

Truth is a fact we gotta except 'cause living in a lie, is not life.

To live life, appreciate life.

And to appreciate life, live life.

-

SecretsToTruth-

Sometimes...

Sometimes...

Sometimes our lies can really help the lives of the people around us.
but is it right?
Is it right to give a hope to them that isn't true.

Sometimes, things we have to do things that cannot make a big difference, but rather, a differrence so small, no one notices.
but I seem to forget the saying, 'Even a little can make a big difference.'
And i find that to be true.

True enough to destroy the things we love most.
but why do we do it?

We do it, to get a small amount of pleasure for the people who are in need.
When their situation become much better, we feel proud to do something.
SO proud that even our ego take over all the other characteristics.

Sometimes we do things for their own benefit.
Sometimes the benefit we earn in return is given back is quite promising.
So promising that sometimes we forget that its actually wrong to do it.
'cause its WRONG.

The wrong thing might look like the right thing to do,
and the right thing might look wrong.
Confusing, i know.

In the end, the wrong thing will bundle up into one BIG toll.
Its a price we're not willing to pay.
A pay so costly, it will actually destroy most of us.

So sometimes, we do the wrong thing,
and forget that we did the wrong thing

Sometimes, the good thing will bring us to a fight.
but sometimes, it will lead to something so good and nice,
that we won't regret doing.

So is it okay to do the right thing?


Yes.

-LookingForward-