Dream/Sorry

I don’t know whether the dreams we dream are what our subconscious are thinking, cause I know for sure when I’m fully awake, I’m not.

Not to say I hate it, but I wasn’t completely loving it too, cause to a point, I knew it was all just a dream.

I’m not sure how I would judge it, be it bad or be it good, it did affect me.

and I’m sorry.

I didn’t know what to do, afraid that I might fall. So I just played it safe.
all about you. lol

Fragile

Today I was reminded of life itself.

That no matter how much we do and plan with it, it’s always fragile,
and today, I kinda have a grasp of the meaning of it.

Fragile, that it could break or be taken away, just like that.
Maybe it’s just me, but I always  hear, that “life is short.”

Today, I found out that a lecturer from my Pre-U course (CIMP), passed away due to some misunderstanding, which cost him his life. And he had no fault of any sort.

A friend of mine posted in FB saying,
“This picture really bring tears down my cheek... how can such an adventurous sporty and open minded person like him die so early? all he wants is to travel around the world and live the moment. I respect you sir you are really my inspiration. “

What he said was so true. He was just out on a holiday an out of a sudden, the next thing he knew was that he was fighting for his life. It really hurts to see an individual so outgoing and cool, to just come to an end like that.

I didn’t know Mr.Pelland personally, but from seeing the lives that he touched and the people he has changed, it truly gave me the impression that he IS a great man. Doing what he can and did what he wanted with an open heart and mind. I respect him as an individual that was able to truly help and change people.

And for that, he would truly be my definition of real ‘coolness’.

Another thing that strike me today, was the fact that my grandma has high blood pressure.
It might not seem like a huge issue, but if I actually think about it, I could have lost my grandma today as well.

She’s 78 but acting like she’s 60. And I’m happy to see that she is still as active as most grandmas out there. I ain’t dissing anyone’s grandma, but I bet you love them as much as I love mine. The thought of losing her, is really unbearable.

I was supposed to just drop something off today and be off. I had a long day myself, and wanted to take a rest from a long day, till I found out. And I wanted to stay as long as I can, to really enjoy her presence as if it was her last.

Life itself is really fragile.

Say what it’s needed, and I guess I have said what needs to be said.
In the end, it’s all said and done.

here.we.go.

Eyes Closed .

Little Tommy always kept his eyes shut. He pretended to never see what was happening to guard himself from the pain and heartache. It wasn’t his first time avoiding and pretending like things was just happening, but he fears that if he actually clicks or imagines that he does, the world he lived in would just fall and crumble. He never really dared to go further than the boundaries he made, cause he knows what would happen exactly when he does. Eventually, pain still find its ways to creep in.

Who are you talking to..

Walk

A Walk To Remember.

A story of an undying faith and love of two individuals towards each other.
I can honestly, watching it again from a whole new perspective did teach me some lessons.

1. Say ‘No’ to peer pressure.
2. Every girl is beautiful.
3. Miracles do come true.
4. Breaking promises ain’t that bad.
5. Last minute work does payoff.
6. Apologizing heals.
7. There are ways to learn new things.
8. A girl can change a guys’ life around.
9. Sacrifice is a form of love.
10. Girls are seductive in their ways.
11. Break away from what doesn’t make you better.
12. There’s always that one friend who’s there.
13. Handshakes are necessary in an awesome friendship.
14. Laughter helps break the ice.
15. Brutal honesty is the best way.
16. The truth isn’t easy accepted, but it takes time.
17. Learning to dance is required.
18. Supporting mothers do help.
19. Jealousy does exist between strangers and haters.
20. Girls pushes guys to the limit.
21. Have a to-do-list.
22. Finish the to-do-list.
23. Have someone help you finish it.
24. Never give up on teaching.
25. Lies can save a life.
26. Leukemia is a bitch.
27. There’s a fear of letting go.
28. Living life to its fullest.
29. Tattoo’s are cool, temporary ones.
30. Never judge someone for what they wear.
31. Girls have killer smiles.
32. Not expecting anything.
33. Ask the dad for permissions first.
34. You can’t outrun the police.
35. Have fine dining for a date.
36. Pay for everything.
37. Pretend everything’s alright to look strong.
38. Waiting for the girl to wake up.
39. Sleeping under the stars won’t be a bad idea.
40. I should totally join a musical.
41. Forget the lines, and just say, “You’re beautiful.”
42. Switchfoot is an awesome band.
43. Go the distance to find the answers.
44. Sometimes, it’s about being there, even if it’s 10seconds.
45. Find a book of quotes and read everyone.
46. Have faith in someone even if they don’t look like it.
47. In suffering comes compassion, in suffering look for hope.
48. Never giving up, even if I know it’s going to end.
49. Love isn’t easy, for both sides.
50. Death can’t separate love.

In that list, I’ve done some, failed some.
but definitely, learnt a lot from most.

Watching the same movie from a different perspective gives everything a new look.

Give it a try, what can you learn?

a kiss?

what does a kiss mean?
either a peck or making out itself.
"what IS a kiss?"

went and Google-d my questions. got all sorts of stuffs.
one of 'em said, that it was a way of showing affection.
or it could be, the transferring of hormones. wtf.
or just for the heck of it?

is there more of an answer to just the scientific and obvious?
is there no elaborated answer?

for me, 
-a kiss on the lips, signifies an openness and honesty in a relationship. that the partner allows the other to actually take a step closer into her life, physically and relationship-wise.
-making out, on the other hand, is more than just a feeling, but the action of embracing one another, in each other's arms. but rather being all comfortable and trustworthy enough to trust the partner not only with their lips, but body, too.

i don't really know why, am i thinking so much after watching a movie that i had watched over 5times, but only now just thinking bout it.
blame it on the nostalgia, blame it on the curiosity, blame it on me.
wtfcares.

changing a place to put my thoughts,
rather than sharing it to 796,
i will share it to 53 instead.

but what does it mean to you?

Why was I how I was?

Why was I how I was?

I didn’t know what that ‘umph’ feeling was.
Ruined a night, ruined a day.

Got me thinking, whether it was a happy or sad thing.
After a day of thinking,
it was neither. Or maybe it was both.

If it was sad, I guess it’s ‘cause of the memories came flashing back and all,
Nostalgic… that would be my defense.

If it was a happy one, it’s cause..
I got to see you? After such a long time. Almost a month, no?

-----------------------------------

I’ve put in, way too much connotation in the Moon.
and everytime as I gaze at it, I would think of you.

The Moon became something that I really adored and looked forward too, because,
our month-vesary would always have a full Moon.

A friend asked me, “Why does everyone look at the moon as if it’s something beautiful and round and perfect? If you look closely, it has holes and it’s not really white. “
“Like every other human, we ain’t perfect with our flaws and ugliness. But deep down we’re beautiful.” I replied.

The thing with accepting someone else’s differences, it takes a lot. When I say a lot I mean A LOT.
We accept the ones we love eventhough they’ve hurt us over and over again.
May it be, family, or even friends.
but the funny thing is, we didn’t let go.
of the feelings, memories, hopes and dreams.

Maybe we’re just fools or dreamers hoping the best that would come out of the situation. Not accepting reality and fact.
but living off the fictional side of the story, in our hearts.

----------------------------------

Someone who would take a chance on me, and give me a try.
but I’ve build this defense mechanism in me,
to not get hurt.

Pushing away the possibilities of a heartbreak, whenever it is.

That’s why I wouldn’t take the chance.
Wouldn’t take step of courage,
to not leap forward, but rather staying where I am now.

I wouldn’t want to hurt you, and you me.
But..
Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. 

A day away,
from that day,

which made so much difference,

which I try not to reference.

Rhythm & Melody

Do you have that one thing that doesn't leave you?

That will always be there for you no matter what.

Well. I have.

Even in my darkest times, in my happiest of times too.

I realized that I never really appreciate it till I was left with it for a long time.

But the funny thing about is, it could make me sad or happy. 

Even when I’m all high up in the sky, but then suddenly, BAM, I just feel that sudden cold breeze.

Well, however ironic or hypocritical it could be, I would say I love it.

It is music.

For a long time now, I would always have my earplugs with me, whenever I go out.

Cause I needed a sense that, ‘someone/something will always be there for me, whenever I need them.’

It sounds foolish now, thinking and talking about how I treat music. But that’s how I see it.

I realize that nothing and no one can be there for me all the fucking time. 

My friends, they have their own life and their own group of friends too,

My close friends, are too busy with ‘assignments’ and their social life,

and I’m left all alone.

But I don’t mind being alone, cause I can stand being alone. 

I was alone when I was 8, and I can be alone if I want to now.

but,

I’m blessed, with awesome people surrounding me.

“Being alone, doesn't necessary mean you’re lonely,

Being lonely, doesn't necessary means you’re alone”

We can hide behind our walls of failures, dreams, hopes or expectations,

we wait for people to come break them down,

sometimes, some people can,

but, some cant.

For the wall we set up, is just way too high, and it’s unachievable.

“We sometimes look and long for somethings that we want,

rather than the things that we need, and what we always needed, was in-front of us the whole time.”

I always take long walks, from uni to my car or even to college.

It’s because I take that time to be alone, and be with something that I love,

music.

It has always been there for me.

and I ask you,

to find something you need, rather than want.

“I make it look easy.”