Standards

We all set a certain standards in our lives.

Be it, education, 

friends, 

table manners,

social manner,

or even relationships.

We set high or low standards for whatever we choose, because we somehow know how the 'system' works.

The 'system' is.. basically the society, or how people work.

We get how things are suppose to be, 

what things are accepted or not, 

what things we choose to be bad or good.

We know it so well, we actually become actors.

Ever heard a friend tell you, or vice versa, "I lie so well, I can be an actor/actress."

Well, sad to tell you this, we all 'act'. Whether we like it or not, we do.

Our subconscious is always telling us to act in a certain way, because some things aren't accepted in society, and as I just mentioned above, "We know how the system works."

When we trip over a stepping stone, we act all cool and try to not attract attention or whatsoever. We try to remain calm, when it's alright to actually just scream out loud for shock and sudden pain, but we choose to remain.. calm?

So, as I was saying, we set standards in life.

and as a guy myself, I set standards for a few stuff. 

Things that are personal to me, like..

Family, friends, love?

When I set a certain standard for a girl, whether I've known her for a long time, or I just met her, I set standards. To see whether she reaches it or not.

So, to set these standards, I test her with flirts, actions, and whatnot.

I try to make her like me, and soon enough it actually works. Then I think to myself, "What if I set higher standards? Could she reach it?"
and then, she doesn't.

So, is it wrong for me to set higher standards?

'Cause I believe that I could do better.

I know this sounds douchebag-ish, but honestly, why settle for 'less', when we can have something we really deserve.

and I know, sometimes love takes us by surprise and all, but at the end of the day, we still set certain standards for them. Admit it, we do.

I don't mean to make females, as a subject, or an object. I really don't.

I respect them for who they are and what they can do.

I'm sort of a slight feminist, but not so into the whole damn shiz, 'cause girls can sometimes really be girls. Girls, you know it. 

Back to the point, the standards we set, somehow make us fight for a better chance with a better partner. And that's when we yearn to have that challenge, we want to get knock down to get back up to fight harder and stronger again.

We want challenges, to make it more interesting and exciting, which could make the journey more memorable and fun.

Yet again, I don't mean to sound like a complete asshole, saying I 'play' girls. I don't.

'Cause girls that I really flirt with, end up playing me.

and sometimes, when I'm not trying, things happen. Unexpected things.

Somewhere deep inside of us, our desire to have the best is in there somewhere.

So, for me, setting a high standard is a good thing.

Core.

I don't want to get married.
I don't want to have kids.
I don't want a nice and perfect family..
If it isn't with you.

This is sort of a promise I made to myself.

Somewhere deep in me, I have this idealistic point of view on love. That there'll be only one person I'll ever love.. And sad to say, I already did.

There's no way she'll ever return the favour of loving me, which means all of the above.

Would you be ready to live life knowing that you won't ever find another significant other..
'Cause I am.

I know it's kind of a silly notion, and that I might as well be prepared to live alone for the rest of my life like that..
And I am.
Or you could even say that I'm not opening myself up to anyone.
If God does send someone, she'd be the one.. Till then, I don't care.

On the other hand, I could be wrong.
Maybe she's not the one.
Maybe it wasn't love.
Maybe there is more out there.
Just.. Maybe.

"Lord you know me till the very core,
And deep inside, I know there must be more." - Abba

Nostalgia.

The Tale of the Lost Cup

Today, I was drinking soya bean from a cup.
and what made this experience a little different,
was the fact that it was the cup I wanted to give to Audrey.

Well, like always, I had something up my sleeves, for the future.
So I just bought it a few months before its' scheduled date.
Wanted to gave it during a month-vesarry sort of thingie,
but.. didn't managed to.

So I put it away like most of the other things,
in a box,
in a corner,
away.

Until I saw it again today.
I was honestly shocked, and started panicking,
quickly asked my maid where she found it,
not sure if anyone knew what the initials were for.

She said my mom gave it to her,
because my mom couldn't stand my messy room,
and cleaned it all up, by herself.
what.a.mom.

And I was sort of wondering what should I do with it?
Should I have thrown it out?
Should I have broken it into pieces?
No, I chose to used it.
Mostly because, it's to serve me a reminder.

A reminder of the past 11months of my life, without this girl.
How I changed, how I grew, how I survived, and how I experience life after that.
It was definitely different, but..
I'm here today, telling you,
"I'm better."

Thinking about the time that cup stayed in that corner,
reflects a bit about my life.
About how I kept a part of me in a corner of the world,
so that no one else could ever take a peek of it.

I guess, the only way for it to resurface, and see light once more,
is that a stressed up, annoyed person to clean me up, and sort things into order.

and for now, the cup is doing fine.
I definitely will use it, cause it's useful, in many ways. 

Comfortable Silence

Is it better to express or to retain your feelings.?

If you tell, you're admitting.
If you don't, you're lying to yourself.
But when you don't mention anything about that feeling, it could just slip away like a paper under a door.

I guess, it depends on the situation. As it is kinda tricky and subjective.
It might work for me, but not for you.

I have this silent feeling in me, that I will just tell only 'you' (whoever is reading this).

——————————————

I hate it when people go all, "Why do you have to relate everything back to her? I don't think your argument is valid through 'that'. Everrrryyyttthiiing is about her isn't it??"

And I'm like, "Dafaq!?"

The things Audrey did to my life.
1. I grew up. I became more matured as an adult. I know what to expect in a relationship and how to handle them.

Regardless of anything, 'we' had a relationship. And that counts.

2. The experience I shared with her was not only just memorable, but lessons in life.

I learned more about myself as I was with her. That I was this egoistic, prideful guy, and she changed me. To be a better man for myself, for her.

The hurt, the joy and her, taught that it's not all about me, but that significant other.

3. The real meaning of, 'Love'.

The only way to give up, is giving up.

You don't give excuses of distance, time, money and DEFINITELY NOT the lack of love.

You don't call it love, if it fades. If it does fade, ask yourself, "Is that your limit to love? That something so small and micro, like distance measures the size of your love?"

Imagine this, your significant other asks you, "How much do you love me?" and your reply would be, "Till Singapore. If I have to take a plane, I love you no more."

How RIDICULOUS does that sound!!?

In summary, I grew up more in a year, than 18years of my life because of this one girl.

That's why my life now, relates so much to her.

That's basically it. Just a silent feeling.

I'll be ready soon

My parents is forcing me to get a girlfriend.
I really don't know why they're being like this, all of a sudden.
and it's kinda annoying that they're forcing me.
I'll find one when I'm ready.
and I'm definitely not ready now.

I always wonder, "Why are you not ready Rhys?"

and I guess, it's because my heart still longs for her?
idk, maybe, maybe not~
but what I know for sure is, I'm not ready.

Don't really know when I'll be ready,
don't really want to put any deadline on it,
'cause there wont be a point.
I'll be ready, when I'm ready.

and I had a 30minutes+ Skype chat.
really, really enjoyed it.

Other than that,
I'm really filled with work from uni, grandma's birthday, reunions, and washing hair. LOOL

empty words coming out of my mouth?

when you sing a song, what is more important?
the way you enunciate the words?
or the accent you use?
or the feeling you input into the song?

well, i think the last point is the most important. obviously.

i would say i sing quite well? 
but recently, it's just been a bit harder to sing.
not that i'm having sore-throat or what,
but i just don't feel what i'm singing.

as i watch American Idol, or The Voice,
over the years, one thing i learn is to,
"Sing with your heart."
"Sing with emotions."

i thought i understood what they meant.
but truly understanding it, was not till a week or two ago.

i had to do cover with a friend, 'I won't give up' by Jason Mraz,
and while doing it, i encountered a few problems.
pronunciation and whatnot,
but also with the feelings that isn't there.

i tried and tried, to feeeeeeel the song,
but somehow, it just wasn't getting through.
i was stuck.

and that made me realized that,
my feelings and emotions are now,
Level : Neutral
It's there, but ain't there. paradox.

i really don't know why...
maybe cause i'm numb to whatever comes my way,
or maybe just tired of feeling, and being all emotional.

oh well,
lesson this week:
"Do everything with feelings"